Selamat Tahun Baru 2015.Pergh. Lama bebenor aku tak menulis kat sini. Erm. How do I start this? Firstly, sorry for not writing for so long. Almost a year aku menyepi kan? Actually tak ada la menyepi sangat pun. Ada ja cuma aku lebih aktif kat IG sekarang ni. I guess workloads override blogging. Hurm. Tipu la kalau aku cakap aku tak rindu nak blogging balik. Banyak memori yang tercipta kat sini.Eceh. Dalam masa aku menyepi, a loooooot happened to me. A lot... Tok is no longer in this world. =( That was a tough one for me to accept. She went away so fast I could not digest it. Sehingga hari ini aku masih lagi fikir tok ada dan pergi vacation somewhere.Things are not the same anymore. Everything's change.Tanggungjawab aku semakin besar.
Tok died on 30th October 2014. Three days before Ika took SPM. I was on CRK until 2th November 2014. I could not take it longer since there's lot of work waiting for me. Nak tutup sekolah kan. Even waktu tok sakit pun, I was hesitant to come back home. Mengenangkan kerja dan kesan yang akan terjadi if aku tak ada masa tu. Don't get me wrong. I was not expecting the ending to be like this.
On 29th October afternoon, tok mengadu sakit dalam perut.Sakit sangat sampai dia jalan mengengsot. Ika was not there since she was in school. Lucky our neighbour, Maksu Milah was in her house (We called her Maksu since she's one of our relatives too) Tok menjerit panggil Maksu Milah. Suara dia dah tak macam selalu. Garau as suara lelaki. That showed how painful she was. Maksu Milah panik dan terus telefon Pak Su. Pak Su is my uncle as well as tok's youngest son.He's working at Mergong. Not far away from tok's house. He's not Maksu Milah's husband. Kebetulan gelaran sama. So, Pak Su rushed back home and took tok to Kedah Medical Centre.
At first, tok's condition was stable. She was able to talk and even asked teh ais from Pak Su. Dia mengadu lapaq ayaq ais. Arwah Tok memang jarang nak minum air masak. Tapi Pak Su tak bagi. Risau takut condition dia makin teruk. Tok ada history appendik dan pernah undergo operation. It was long time ago. Masa aku budak lagi. So, afraid that tok's appendix came again, the doctor decided to check her tummy using the endoscopic camera. Tok is in her 80's. Badan pun dah tak kuat. It was after her endoscopic test that made her condition worst. Her heartbeat stopped for 10 minutes. Just imagine. 10 minutes.....That was a long time. Then she regained consciousness . Dia mengadu sakit dada. Effect dari doktor buat CPR. At this stake, dia dah tak kenal orang. When I received this news, it was at night. Tak duduk senang aku kat Segamat ni. Nak balik Kedah, I was thinking of bus trip dah terlepas. Nak balik drive kereta, dah malam sangat. Aku tak berani. So, apa yang aku boleh buat is setiap masa check whatsapp family tanya update. Ayaq mata toksah duk kata la. Dah meramu turun. Waktu tu, baru aku decide, macam mana pun esok (30th October) kena balik Kedah jugak no matter what. Malam tu malam paling panjang pernah aku rasa. Setiap satu jam, aku terbangun sendiri check whatsapp. Last update, pukul 12.30 malam. My cousin cakap, tok stabil walaupun dia tak kenal sesiapa. Effect dari 10 minit oksigen tak naik otak rasanya.
I woke up next morning at 5.30 am, called my boss and asked for emergency leave. He approved and I asked my housemate to send me to the bus station. Taking into consideration that I was not in a good shape and having a sleepless night, I decided to take a bus to Kedah. The bus would depart at 8.30am. At that time, 7.00 am, more whatsapp coming in from my cousin. Dorang cakap, no relatives were allowed in the High Dependency Unit (HDU). Alasan dorang, nak jaga privacy dan kesihatan pesakit. Pak Ngah awal pagi dah tunggu luar HDU pun dia tak bagi masuk. I was on call with Ika and mata tengok whatsapp family. The bad news finally came in whatsapp, "Cousin-cousin, tok dah tak ada". Allahuakbar. Satu badan menggeletar. I held my tears from dropping. I was alone that time. There's a few people there waiting for their families to pick them up. Rasa macam nak menangis kuat-kuat masa tu. Tapi malu sebab ada orang. Satgi depa cakap drama pulak. Rasa longlai badan. Rasa tak tahu nak buat apa. Lost. Tengok jam, baru 7.30. So I decided to drive home. Lepas buat calculation, kalau naik bas, maghrib baru sampai Kedah sedangkan jenazah nak dikebumikan selepas Asar. Memang tak sempat. Aku kuatkan diri jugak balik naik kereta.
Maha Suci Allah yang memberikan kekuatan pada aku. Walaupun badan tak cukup rehat, kepala dah rasa berdenyut macam nak pitam, I safely arrived at 4.00 pm. Terus pergi masjid sebab dorang tukar plan nak tanam before Asar sebab cuaca macam nak hujan. Eventhough I was not able to kiss tok for the last time, dapat tengok dari atas liang lahad pun dah cukup. That was the last moment I saw her before she was buried. Muka tok tenang sangat. Dengan bedak sejuk, macam nak pergi kenduri. =') Tenang sangat. Tok pergi cepat sangat. She acted normal before that. Not even a tiny sign of her loss. She even prepared gulai rebung ayam and ketupat the day she was admitted to the hospital. Teringin nak makan katanya. Pak Su jadi sebak bila pergi kedai makan, order teh ais. It reminded him of tok. Tak sangka itu permintaan terakhir arwah. =( A few days later, I dreamt of tok. She said "Thank you" and we hugged. Masih lagi menjadi tanda tanya kenapa tok cakap macam tu. Pak Su cakap mungkin dia cakap macam tu sebab balik tengok dia. Wallahualam. I feel like that is the biggest right decision that I ever made in my life.
Al-Fatihah untuk tok....